Life Renovations

Self Care Series: Part 3- "Hey, That's My Friend You are Talking About"

      A good friend of mine has an expression she uses when someone she cares about is putting themselves down.  In the middle of a friend's self-deprecating rant, she will pause look her friend in the eyes and say, "Hey, watch it, that's my friend you're talking about there!"   On the few times that look has come my way, it has been such an eye opener for the ability we have to be incredibly harsh on ourselves. 
    Many of us like to take good care of the people we love; listening to them, validating their concerns, being a good cheerleader for their ideas.  How much of that do we give ourselves? 

    The answer I hear most often is a sheepish, "Not very often".  What would it look like to offer ourselves a little good tiding and praise for what we ARE doing well rather than the myriad ways we perceive we are falling short?  It can be challenging to be kind to ourselves when we are so used to holding the bar in a position we know is not attainable.  Wow... imagine living one day where we felt like what we are doing and who we are being is good enough....sounds wonderful.

    So here is the challenge today (it sounds simple but can be a little difficult if we don't do it often):

    What is one nice thing you can tell yourself today so that you feel like you are doing a good job or that you are simply good enough?

    Tell yourself that idea as many times today as you feel like it.  When any other voices (the ones with the impossible bar to reach) creep up...tell them quietly, "not now."  They will get their airtime, but for this moment, try to bask in that supportive comment you are giving yourself.

  What is it like if for one day we allow ourselves to reach the bar we have set before ourselves?

   Enjoy this day  knowing that you are fabulous and that you deserve to be treated so well!  And remember....that is someone's friend you are talking about!

     

Self Care Series: Part 2- How You Can Get There From Here

   In Maine there is an expression that goes,  “You can’t get there from here.”  It is said with pride regarding the way it takes a circuitous route (for lack of roads) to get to one’s desired location.  For example, a town that is 15 miles from my house as the crow flies takes nearly an hour to get to by car.  One just can’t hop on a super highway, but instead is forced to bumble along small two lane roads winding through towns and by rivers in order to get to one’s destination.

  Well, for those of you who are regular readers, you probably noticed that it has taken me (ironically) a long time to write the second entry in the self care series.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get here from there.  Life’s demands and activities kept coming between me and my goal of writing this entry.  Sound familiar to anyone?

   Try as I might in the last couple of weeks to find the highway that would be my quick route to getting my goal done; I kept finding myself on curvy, slow speed back roads.  The more I became frustrated with the road I was on; the more distant the destination seemed. 

   Then finally, I understood the value of the idea of “you can’t get there from here”.   The value of having to take an indirect route to one’s goal is that the journey becomes more important than the destination. For me, I woke up to this idea a couple of days ago over the weekend.  I had blocked out some time for writing, but for some reason I was pulled away.  Spontaneously, my family and I decided to explore a nearby farm.  We had been there before, but had never explored the gardens when everything was in bloom.  What resulted was a day of serendipity.

   Inside the gardens were luscious blooms, hidden statues of frogs wearing crowns, an adult sized rocking horse along side a child’s one, and a child’s tea set tucked behind a wall of flowers.  Unexpectedly, we picnicked right there in that magical place with my children and my husband and I in awe alike.

   That is when I realized that if life is going to offer me such divine detours, I better be smart enough to look around and enjoy the winding road! 

   With that said, I offer two lessons I gained since my last entry.

 

1. The journey is more important that the destination.

 

2. Taking things off of our plate frees us to enjoy the meal that is already there.

 

   By piling our plate sky high with things to do, it is incredibly difficult to ever feel the success that comes when we accomplish our goals.  What would it be like if we chose to do less?  Gasp.  What would it be like if chose to say “no” more to the endless things trying to leap onto our plate?  Hmm… 

   Even if does not seem possible to do one thing less right now in our lives, how possible would it be to at least put less thing on our plate right now until we get what is already there done? 

   What I mean is that try to focus only on a few items on the to-do list at once.  Sure. There may be a whole buffet of things you need to do or want to enjoy.  But for now, try taking just a couple items to focus on, accomplish, and relish.  That way we can better savor the success that comes from making accomplishments rather than focusing on all that is still to be done.

 

  By finally allowing myself to clear writing from my plate that day, I was able to truly savor a day with my family.  Then, when the winding road turned again, I found it was easy to put “writing” back on the list.  And the journey made it so much more enjoyable.

 

    What happens if today we decide to enjoy that “we can’t get there from here” and allow the journey to provide what it is that needs to be on our plates at this moment?

 

  

 

Extreme Self Care: Part one

   Imagine the most decadent way you could treat yourself to a few moments of pure enjoyment, relaxation, and rejuvenation.  Got it?  What came to your mind?  When was the last time you took this time for yourself?
This series is about getting back to basics; taking care of ourselves.  It is very easy to overlook our own     self- care in our lives.  "It can always wait till tomorrow" so the excuse goes or "I DON"T HAVE ANY TIME" is another voice that chimes in or the sabotaging side of us quietly says, "I'd feel guilty taking that time, energy, money for myself".  Any of these sound familiar?
  If your response to the question above was that you do take regular care of yourself by engaging in activities that restore and energize you- Congratulations! You might want to skip reading this or forward it to someone who needs it.  But chances are...that most of us are holding out on ourselves.  That is why I feel compelled to share some earth shattering news with you.
  YOU ARE THE ONLY YOU THAT YOU GET!  YOU ARE NOT REPLACEABLE...so TAKE CARE OF YOU!
  
 What can you do today to start taking better care of yourself? 
 
If your mind went blank because you have not taken good care of yourself since somewhere in the 1990's,
let me break it down for you:

What is one small step or activity you can engage in that would feel energizing for you today?

  I am talking something small, something doable, and something that might even be incredibly obvious. 
For me, the simplest pleasure that I adore and feels like a great luxury is taking a bath.  At our house we have an old  claw foot soaking tub which when complete with candles and bubble bath can feel like the most decadent day at the spa. 
   One day when I was feeling particularly busy lately, the thought came to me that I needed to stop everything and take a bath to get my wits about me.  Yes, I had piles of lists waiting, family needs to attend to, and appointments to keep.  That day though it simply hit me...it is imperative that we treat ourselves with the same care and courtesy we so willingly bestow on others.  Are you ready for some more earth shattering news?
  After my twenty minute soak in the tub, I had the best day with doors of possibility opening before me that I had not seen the day before.  All because of taking a tub?  Yes.  It can be that simple.  By taking one small step to better take care of ourselves, we open up our eyes and our hearts to being able to see hope, possibility, and options that before were not visible.  Why is this? By prioritizing ourselves, we shift around our whole perception of the items on the To Do List, and by doing this we can better think outside the box. Suddenly, with our new perspective we witness solutions falling into place where before we were stagnant or struggling.
  And you know what?  Despite what the excuses were attempting to say, I made all my appointments that day, was quite productive with my piles of things to do, and took care of my family's needs.  And I felt the joy that comes when we are not pushing ourselves without caring for and valuing ourselves. 
 
So here it is again,
What is one small step or activity you can engage in that would feel energizing for you today?

Go ahead, be reckless: Take care of yourself!  You are the only you that you've got.