Life Renovations

30 Days:30

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive.
                        -Thich Nhat Hanh

  While I would not pass up the opportunity to walk on water seeing how it is a cool fantasy of mine, I like this sentiment by Thich Nhat Hanh.  It reminds us of the value of  being here now and appreciating the experience life is presenting to us at this very second.  To feel the grass beneath our toes, listen deeply while in a conversation, or luxuriate in a hot bath is to ground ourselves in what is going on around us at THIS VERY MOMENT.  And that can be quite a challenge when it seems as if there are a number of things hurling their way at us every minute as they compete for priority on the to do list.

   What can be greater on our to do lists than simply experiencing what is going on around us?  I know it sounds a little wacky, but really, think about it.  How would our days be different if we included being grateful for our lives at the very top of our to do list?

   I think it might have a very powerful impact on our daily living.  What if upon getting cut off  while driving in traffic, getting admonished by a boss, or having a disagreement with a loved one we were able to freeze the frame and take a long, deep unhurried breath?  In this breath would be a calmness, a peace, and a realization that while whatever is going on in causing us discomfort or annoyance, beyond it is our spiritual thankfulness for living the lives we lead.

   It can be easy to think, "Mmm...right."   When we are in those times that we are faced with a challenging situation, it can be very hard to stop reacting to what is going on.  We let the event determine our emotion and our spiritual state.  By freezing the frame,  taking a breath and actively choosing to respond to what is going on from our own centered space,   we let our own truth be our center rather than being in reaction to whatever is coming at us. 

   This is where gratitude comes in.  As we identify areas or moments of our lives for which we are grateful, we are anchoring ourselves in the present moment.  Expressing thankfulness for an element of our lives helps to diffuse any charge that is throwing us off balance.    I like to think of it like judo in which one defeats an opponent by allowing the opponent's momentum play out on itself.  For example, by staying calm in the face of a frustrating situation and allowing the energy to play its own momentum out without reacting against the energy, we are able to stay in our own center and let the destructive energy dissolve itself.  I think of gratitude as the grounding power which allows us in which to remain still thus deflecting the charged momentum. 

    The result is that we  feel calmer, more grounded, and better able to take the next step from a balanced place  rather than feeling a dizziness associated with the tilt a whirl at a carnival.  This anchoring is vital because we get a fuller picture of what is going on in our life and for where we are aiming to go.

  As we make our daily to do lists piled high with errands and chores, remember that adding a moment to pause and connect with our surroundings and enjoy a feeling of thankfulness for where we are or what we have in our lives can uplift our entire day by reminding us to live from our center no matter what comes our way.

30 Days:29

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
                           --Mary Oliver

   This quote resonates deeply with me  because this has been a week of looking at the way we live life and feeling resounding gratitude for being here.    What served to wake me up was that  an amazing  teenage boy in a neighboring community died this week.  He was a witty, kind, and caring kind of kid and it is hard to believe that 12 months after his diagnosis of brain cancer that he is no longer here.  The loss of his life has been a shock to the community and a reminder once again how important it is to live the life we want to live, which is something that he was a model of even at such a young age.  

   During this week, I had the privilege of being able to help support some of the teens who were his closest friends.  After a meeting about dealing with grief, I watched as they hugged, huddled, and stared at each other in disbelief.  They talked about their friend and then,  they talked about anything but their lost friend.  At some point in the evening someone put on music.  Soon afterwards, someone dragged someone who dragged  another someone to start dancing.  In a room dimly lit by Christmas lights, a pack of teen age kids were dancing.  It was a  celebratory kind of dancing.  They were dancing for their best friend as if he were in the room.  They were smiling and sometimes crying, but mostly, they were caring for each other.  I remember thinking  how happy their friend would be to see everyone honoring his life so perfectly.  As the night wore on and the kids drifted home, you could tell that an infinitesimal part of them was healing.  In the midst of their deep grief, some where inside of them they understood  the point of  why we are here. 

  And the point is to celebrate everything.  To love.  To breathe in one's gratitude for being alive with each inhalation and exhalation.   The above quote reminds us that we really only get one life here and this is it.  What are we going to do with it?  Often, people I work with as clients feel they are too busy to slow down and envision what they want their life to look like.   They are intelligent and highly competent people.  They want to do and accomplish, but slowing down to center or listen to their intuition seems too time consuming and self-indulgent.   They often find themselves so busy trying to live up to the  imagined expectations from those around them that they wake up one day having forgotten their wildest dreams.

    Letting intuition guide us into living these wildest and most precious dreams is an amazing way to express our gratitude for being here.   By allowing the calmer, more centered part of ourselves to have a voice, we  are encouraging our deeper, spiritual selves to emerge and feel connected to the life we are living.   

  How do we get there?  One activity that I have clients do is a LIFE LIST.  This exercise is a great way to let the mask of our ego and our fears  drop away and let our playful, possibility-loving selves speak up.  The whole point of this exercise is to GO BIG with your DREAMS!!!

1.  Choose a moment when you know you have some time. 

2.Then, get yourself in the "Thinking BIG" mode-whether it is by reading something that inspires you, watching a favorite scene from a movie, or going for a quick run. 

3. Take out a piece of paper and title it, "MY LIFE LIST."  In your centered space, allowing yourself to brainstorm what you truly desire and want to experience in your life, start writing all of the dreams and activities and goals you have for your life here.  Don't worry about getting it right, just get it down on the paper.  The only rule is that what you write down has to make you feel good and energized, not drained or feeling weighed down.  Ideally, it should make you smile.  Once the list  is complete for now...let it sit on your desk or hang on a bulletin board to remind you of all that is possible in your life.  And so that you know what path you are shooting for. Feel free to add to it or to change it as you wish and as your dreams change.

   The main goal of the list is to be an exercise in gratitude.  The best way we can honor being alive is to cherish it, celebrate it, and LIVE IT!  I love to ask my clients, " What one thing can you do today to begin living the life you most desire?"   By bringing this awareness to our days, we are able to live a more peaceful and  energized existence.  Enjoy today!

 

30 Days: 28

"The only constant is change."

                                                --Heraclitus

    Today was one of those days where I found myself  trying to live in every moment but the present one.  It started when I realized that I had left my car keys in a different town.  I mean that takes skill, really, and I am not going to bother explaining the whole sequence of events-just trust me on this one.  It seemed like one event after another was  preventing me from doing what I felt I needed to get done.   The harder I pushed to accomplish what I had set out to do, the more I was met with unforeseen obstacles.   How frustrating! Needless to say, the term "off-center" felt quite becoming for how I felt as I went about my business.   
   Then, as I was driving (yes, after I retrieved my keys) on the highway through some unexpected construction, it hit me.  This IS life.  We are always under construction in some form or another, and we don't always get to choose when we are committing to these renovations.  Sometimes they just happen to us out of the blue as if the road would collapse if we tried to continue without the necessary roadwork and other times we decide consciously that we need to start repairing the growing potholes or else we'll face even more major repairs.
   When I have a day akin to this one, I always end up coming to the place where I realize that I was operating under the false notion that life is stagnant.  I get caught up thinking, "life stays put and I get to run around getting things done."  Wrong!  Life is  always moving and changing.  Remembering to see life with its fluidity, ever evolving faces, and unexpected construction is a part of the deal...in fact, it is the deal. 
   Re-framing our viewpoint allows us to embrace that which  might convincingly seem like a detour wasting our time as a necessary part of the repairs.  Perhaps losing the keys, unexpectedly changing jobs, or ending of a meaningful relationship is exactly what we are supposed to be experiencing in order to grow into our best selves. By shifting our awareness from a vision of what we think should happen to a viewpoint that  allows life to unfold without feelings of fear or resistance, we are better able to be open to what an experience  is offering us whether it is feels like a smooth road or a roadblock. It is in this quiet space, we know we are right where we need to be in order to be living the authentic life we desire. 

   What it takes is accepting the dynamic, fluid, and unpredictable nature of our  life experience.  Once we are able to make peace with this understanding, we are better able to navigate through the orange cones, heed the caution tape, and follow patiently what appear to be detours.    When we are caught up in that moment of frustration with the sequence of a day's events, we can ask ourselves , "What might I possibly gain from this unexpected event?"  This shift in our thinking is a fabulous way to ground ourselves in this moment. 

   And it is being grounded in this present moment that we are able to feel gratitude for being here.   This openness and humility has the power to re-direct our lives. Because who knows?  What seems like a detour may actually be the path to finding our dreams.   

30 Days: 27

"I have rubber boots. Good strong rubber boots, and I am not afraid.

If I only had rubber boots for my soul, rubber boots for my spirit — something that protected my psyche from the vagaries of this rough world as well as these simple marvels protect my lower extremities.

So, here is to things that last. Here is to things we can count on. Here is to things that wait for us by the door, unstinting in their service. Things that make us better humans. Here is to rubber boots."

   Bill Harley,  excerpt from Ode to My Rubber Boots

         I heard this poem   last night on NPR on my way home and fell in love with it.  I enjoy the idea of rubber boots protecting us from whatever we might encounter.  And as a person living in Maine where mud season surreptitiously replaces what other people call spring, I know the value of a good pair of rubber boots in one's life.  They do make one feel confident,  better able to handle the demands of the world, and more fearless.    I also love how he talks about wanting a pair of rubber boots that would do the same for his psyche and soul.  Wow! How might our lives be different if we had a pair of boots that could serve to empower our inner selves?

    I think we would run and play more.  We would not be afraid of puddles and the muddiness of life.  We would not have to tip toe gingerly from the car to our destination, but rather we would go boldly.   We would not be timid, worrying about damaging our reputation or appearance.  We could walk tall admiring our capability to navigate through whatever the weather brings our way.   We would not feel  easily  dinged or dented, but rather strong and durable.  We  would know that whether we were  plunging ankle deep into the mud of a salt marsh, crossing a busy city street in a delicate rainy sprinkle, or slogging through a stormy spring afternoon we would be able to be present for our life, feeling fearless, able, and powerful.  We would feel like we could say YES to our lives.

   How do we get there?   We must establish what it is  in our lives that empowers us to feel calm, strong, and unafraid.  We must identify what it is that gives us the  rubber boot armor we most need. One way is do this is to think about days in which we feel really good and try to recall what it is about that time that makes us feel so right.   If we ask ourselves,  "What do I need present in my life in order for me to feel confident and capable and unafraid?"  then, we can begin to make space for that element in our lives.

   How do we do that? Take a breath and think about it, remembering to be as specific as possible.  What needs to be done this week to help us feel better prepared to face our lives in the way we want?    Perhaps it is going for a run three times this week.  Or making a tea date with an important friend.  Maybe what feels like the right step is sitting in meditation upon waking for twenty minutes.   Prioritize  doing that action for a week and check in.  How does it feel?  How does it make a difference in how you feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  By evaluating our action step, we can tweak it so that it is best suiting our needs and helping us to accomplish our goal.

  As we build this space in our lives that serves to help foster a stronger, more confident, and fearless self, we are better able to enjoy the sunny and stormy days alike.   We know we are prepared with our "mental, emotional, and spiritual"  rubber boots as we face each day.  And knowing this, we are free to skip and stomp around with gusto.

30 days :26

"Devotion is diligence without reassurance."
                        Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

   While I still have yet to read Eat, Pray, Love, I swear a client a week quotes this book.  This was the gem that was shared with me this week and I love this idea.    Often, we base the value we give something on how others view or perceive it.  And while there is merit in being attentive to the opinions of those you trust, there is greater merit in listening to what it is your own heart and voice says is true.  To me, this is the root of being able to devote oneself. 
   By honoring what it is that we personally find true and valuable, we are better able to devote ourselves to it.  In this way, we do not need to seek reassurance.
   Reassurance becomes a necessity when we are off the mark.  When our intuition and actions do not line up, then we often seek external validation or reassurance.  By finding such praise, we can continue along the path of misalignment until we hit another bump and are forced to seek approval once more--see the cycle happening?  On the other hand, when our actions mirror our intuition, our sense of alignment is strong and consequently, we need less reassurance.  We have done our work first and can reap the fruits of out devotion. 
   To further explore this idea, I often use the concept of "Hard, Easy" vs "Easy, Hard" with clients.    "Easy, Hard" means that we act without weighing all the options.  Or we act without truly consulting ourselves for the answer that most resonates with us.  "Easy, Hard" implies that we take the path of least resistance out of avoidance or fear only to be forced to deal with the "hard" stuff at a later date.    The concept of "Hard, Easy" means that we are willing to take the road of more challenge because our intuition tells us that it is on that path where the answer lies for us.  By challenging ourselves upfront and being open to exploring what it is we need to ponder, we are freed up to enjoy an "easier" path later on.  Personally, I am a proponent of taking the hard road initially so that I can enjoy the fruits later. 

  It is in this way that we can enjoy the experience of being devoted.  We do not need to seek reassurance for all parts of ourselves are aligned.   How can we  work towards such alignment in our lives? 

   The first step is to be willing to risk  trying to approach  our lives with "Hard, Easy" in mind.

  Next, we must remain open to the opportunities and possibility presented a long the way.

  We must take time to slow down and see what part of what is being presented to us truly resonates with our personal path and mission. 

Once we know what it is that resonates with our sense of inner purpose, we can get to the work of devotion.  We can allow our hearts and actions to focus diligently in a single direction and without approval or external affirmation, we know deep within that we are walking down the right path for us.

30 Days:25

 Keeping Quiet

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth
let's not speak in any language,
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines,
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victory with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.
                          --Pablo Neruda

    In the midst of our business, there is the need for a quiet space.  And by honoring this space of silence within ourselves, we allow peace and compassion to emerge and exist in our lives.  As we desire and pursue our own personal growth and change, it is only natural that our place in the world blesses those around us and that our presence of transformation serves to inspire others so that we can create a global community of joy, peace, and collective wellness.

   With the idea of a collective transformation in mind, I would like to share this website.

                    Worldwide Tipping Point

  I think this idea is incredibly inspiring.  I joined a few days ago and find myself checking it periodically to see how many other people desire what I do.  This idea shows that solidarity can exist on a global scale and that a single voice can make a difference as it joins with other voices. 

    What a fabulous idea that not only our actions contribute to change, but also our thoughts and feelings do as well.  If we know that the personal growth we seek will have a ripple effect that helps to transform our global consciousness, then what change do we most want to see in the world we live in? 

   As we come to an understanding of what change we desire in the world, then we can begin to approach our own life and see in what ways we might be able to change our patterns and behaviors to help contribute to this idea of the greater good.  Sometimes in the work of personal development, it is this broader view that helps free us from our own chains of thinking. 

With this in mind, "What personal change can we make that will help serve the goal of collective wellness?"

  As that change comes to our minds, we can set that as our intention for how we are living our days.  By placing a written intention somewhere it can be seen often when at home and at work, we are introducing the importance of this idea to our hurried lives.  In this way, we begin to honor this still place within ourselves and slowly by continually honoring this place, we are able to effect the change we most desire.

   And the best part of it all... we are not alone, but a part of a greater community seeking health, healing, and wellness together.   

 

30 Days: 24

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

                                    Hamlet,  William Shakespeare

Even though I quoted  Shakespeare, I must admit that when I hear this line I immediately think of Steve Martin's film, L.A. Story.  In the movie, a freeway signpost, acting as a spiritual guide, delivers this line to the main character as he is trying to figure out what he is supposed to do in his life.  I love this quote because it represents the importance the unexpected plays in our lives.  So often as we become busier and busier people, I think there is a temptation to plan and schedule our lives out to the minute.  And while  that approach does allow for us to be efficient and productive, there are times that it can also prevent us from allowing ourselves to be open to whatever the "now" moment is presenting to us.

    Being open to the unexpected allows the magic of spontaneity to have a place in our lives.  What is the value of being open to this magic in our lives?  It offers us breath and inspiration.   Clarity and insight.  Freedom and hope.  Often when we are stuck trying to figure out the resolution to an issue, what we most need is to think outside of the box and consider ideas or options we had not before. 

     By thinking outside of the box, we make space for "the more things... than are dreamt of by your philosophy."   When we open ourselves up to the sometimes frightening world of the unexpected, we unknowingly open ourselves up to the world of possibility.  And when the doors of possibility are open, anything can happen. 

   I love Goethe's words, "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it."  What stops us from beginning it?  Often, I think we fail to truly "dream" it.  What if we start there with our spontaneity by allowing ourselves to dream or envision anything we desire?  What if while we are trying to make a decision or come to a place of resolution about something, we let ourselves brainstorm any or all  possible dreams without fear of the "right" one?  By opening ourselves to brainstorming without judgment we are better able to really think outside the box of our "philosophy."  And I believe that both Shakespeare and the wise signpost are right,  a whole world lies beyond our notion of what is and what can be, if only we are willing to be open to the unexpected.

30 Days: 23

"If the emergency oxygen masks drop down, put your own mask on first."
                             -Plane Safety Guidelines   

    I had a dream last night about flying.  By the way, I really don't like flying and yes, I know the statistics of how much safer it is than driving.  About a year ago, I was taking a  trip to Florida and shared with several people my dislike of air travel ( I have good reasons after a couple close  one of which included the engine catching on fire thus engulfing the plane in flames, which was NOT a dream). Anyway,  people repeatedly told me the above statistical information about the safety of  air vs car travel.  Well, the intent kind of backfired because for a while I was not a fan of driving or flying....I just wanted to sail everywhere which is really not that practical.
   Anyway, this post is not about flying or my dream, but instead on a quote I have been thinking of lately which graces our path whenever we do decide to board an airplane.  Before I became a mom, I would hear the above quote and think, "You betcha...that sucker will be on my face as soon as I realize that all is not well at 37,000 feet."  Then when I became a mom, I laughed when I heard that admonishment, thinking that no way would I risk my child's life like that and would knowingly disobey the flight attendant's recorded voice. 
   Then, this week, I pulled my back.  And not, "Oops, my back feels a bit sore", but I was flat out, lying down, typing on my computer while horizontal.  I really chuckled when the acupuncturist said not to lift my youngest child at all who is just a baby.  "Right,"  I thought. 
   That is  when I got it.  Self-Care.  It really is important to nurture our physical and mental health even though sometimes everything else seems far more pressing, valued, necessary, and urgent.  Last year when I read Cheryl Richardson's book, Take Time for your Life, I shrugged off the ideas as if they were for other people- people who had a lot more time on their hands that I did.   This week, while becoming intimate with the way the lath looks in my ceiling, I realized that the only difference between those people and myself was that they were willing to prioritize their health and well being.

    Self-Care is a vital component to achieving what it is we want.  If we do not take care of ourselves, then it will be hard to enjoy our accomplishments once we get there.  Not to mention it will be challenging to  have the reserves it takes to achieve our desired success.  By "putting on my own oxygen mask first", I realized that it is not a sign of being selfish, but rather a sign of sustaining a  calm and energized life.    Just realizing that feels like a great big dose of oxygen. 

  How can we put on our oxygen mask today?  What would self care look like in our lives?  Going on a run, sitting down for a meal, quiet time to write, meditate, or pray?  Whatever it is and no matter how far down it is on the list of all that must be down, I bet if we are willing to up its priority level, we will feel a lot more peace even if the plane seems to be taking a nose dive around us. 

30 Days: 22

"The perfect is the enemy of the good."
                     -Voltaire

    How true!  I just heard this quote for the first time and have been thinking about it all day.  We sabotage ourselves repeatedly searching for the "perfect" situation, option, or person.    There is a difference between having high standards and seeking "the perfect" .  Often, we move the bar a little higher and a little farther away when we get close to what it is we have declared we want.   It is almost as if our horizon line keeps moving on us.  Or that we choose to move our horizon just when we are going to reach the success we desire.  It is in this way, I think, that we create an elusive ideal of our notion of "perfect".
    I don't think perfect exists.  I think perfect is a construct of our fears and our insecurities.  Perfect is what that critical voice on our shoulder tells us everyone else is doing, but not us.   Perfect is what we could be if only we had the time, money, appearance.  What is our resistance to being good enough?  What a great day it would be to sit and think, "My work is good enough, my life good enough, I am good enough."   Often clients feel resistant to the term, "good enough" as if it implies being less than and so I get challenged on this point.  I like to think of it as being good enough for ourselves.  Self-Acceptance.  It is offering ourselves a bit of respite from the harsh critiquing we are so skilled at and instead taking a moment to accept and appreciate that which we are and do as being good.  And seeing that it is indeed good enough to be celebrated and honored.

   It is harder than it seems to loosen our clutches on our belief in perfect.  We are so accustomed to berating ourselves and negating all of our positive achievement with it.    It can be challenging to let go of the negative powers that drive us to our goals.  We have created a relationship with them.  If we are willing, we are capable of forming a new relationship which pushes us onward in a space of support and self-acceptance.  In this space, we shine because of nurturing rather than out of a desire to defeat the negative voice. 
   What does it take?  I think it demands a willingness to achieve the horizons we put in front ourselves and a willingness to risk having our fear of failure be replaced by a feeling of success in our lives.  It takes saying "Yes, this is good enough and I am good enough."

My StumbleUpon Page

30 Days:21

"Oh Behave!"
        -Austin Powers    

   

   Lately,  this quote has run through my head often (of course, accompanied by Mike Myers fabulously ebullient way of delivering it).  What I love about this saying is that it is said in full knowledge that the person saying, "Oh Behave!" has absolutely no intention of doing so.  It is as if saying those two words are a green light for whatever transgressions will soon occur. 
     How is this inspiring?  Two more words, reckless abandon.  Yep...in the midst of trying to organize, structure, and order our lives, sometimes what we most need is just having unabashed fun!  I love the concept of reckless abandon because it implies letting our hair down, forgetting about what duties we have to fulfill, and letting our inner "play hound" have a blast in whatever way best suits us at that very moment.
    "Abandon"  as defined by the Random House Dictionary is " a complete surrender to natural impulses without restraint or moderation; freedom from inhibition or conventionality".  How might we live our days differently if we were not inhibited or restrained? 
   Before the inner critic sets in arguing that, "Well, that is not realistic because there are responsibilities  like work, bills, children that I can't exactly abandon."  Maybe "reckless abandon" feels too radical for where you  are right now, so how about a baby step...taking a recess break.   I think the idea of recess is the most brillant concept that unfortunately gets left behind in childhood.  Don't we all need a little break from our work to play, shake out our bodies, and climb on a jungle gym? 
   What recess can we take today whether it is 5 minutes, 1 hour, or the whole day?  When we imagine allowing ourselves a small recess break, how does it feel?  I think it feels great, like a pressure release valve on our busy lives.  Join me today, let's take a well-deserved recess break.  And when the bell rings signifying the end of recess, imagine our teacher is none other than the infamous Austin Powers admonishing us, "Oh Behave!"   And let that energy follow us back into our daily lives.