Life Renovations

Now starring...

     How often do we find ourselves caught up in what someone else thinks of us, how someone else will feel about our actions, or romanticizing another's situation or life?

    From what I hear from clients, it happens more often than any of us would care to admit.  And what’s even more, the energy dedicated to wondering, worrying, and being fearful about others’ perceptions of us and our actions is taking away from the energy we could be putting into our own power and strength.   

  Yeah, how 'bout them apples! (just a little reference to a scene from the fabulous movie, GoodwillHunting)

    What I am saying is that when it is spelled out, it makes sense and seems logical that we should value our own opinions and choices above others.  Yet, it can be excruciatingly difficult to apply logic when we are caught up in this fear based thinking.  How do we break free from seeing our lives in this limiting way?

    Let’s examine the moment when we get trapped into this way of thinking.  What is going on?  Often, we are imagining a situation in which we acted a certain way that we perceive could be viewed questionably or someone offered a comment to us that seemed like they were judging us and so we scour our memories for what we could have done to trigger their statement.  Or sometimes, we get caught up daydreaming about how much easier some else's life is in comparison to ours.  But no matter what the specifics of the particular moment are, the common thread in these scenarios is that unfortunately, we are taking a big leap away from our own center and we allow someone to step into the spotlight of our focus. 

    By doing this, we allow someone else’s ideas, perceptions, and discernment to become the center of our thinking.  How can we maintain balance in our lives and feel centered when we’ve put someone else in the starring role?  I’d like to introduce the idea;  Each of us is the star of our own movie.  We are NOT the supporting actor or actress, we are NOT the antagonist and most importantly we are NOT an extra.  We are the ones who deserve to be the star, the one in the spotlight, the name in big lights!    

    Now, how ‘bout them apples!

    Two questions to ponder:

  *        What shift happens in our perception when we view our lives this way? 

  *        What would we be doing or thinking differently if we stopped viewing ourselves as a co-star or a secondary role? 

 
   Chances are we’d feel a bit freer and have more of a bounce in our step when we open ourselves to the idea of how important we are in our own lives.  By kicking our fear out of the spotlight, we get to step in and bask in the glow of how valuable we are. To help us practice our academy awards speech, the words of Marianne Williamson offer words of tremendous wisdom.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God*.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

* Please use what terms works for you meaning God.  Substitute whatever term represents you feeling connected to Life at its fullest.

Enjoy being the star of your movie! 

Self Care Series: Part 3- "Hey, That's My Friend You are Talking About"

      A good friend of mine has an expression she uses when someone she cares about is putting themselves down.  In the middle of a friend's self-deprecating rant, she will pause look her friend in the eyes and say, "Hey, watch it, that's my friend you're talking about there!"   On the few times that look has come my way, it has been such an eye opener for the ability we have to be incredibly harsh on ourselves. 
    Many of us like to take good care of the people we love; listening to them, validating their concerns, being a good cheerleader for their ideas.  How much of that do we give ourselves? 

    The answer I hear most often is a sheepish, "Not very often".  What would it look like to offer ourselves a little good tiding and praise for what we ARE doing well rather than the myriad ways we perceive we are falling short?  It can be challenging to be kind to ourselves when we are so used to holding the bar in a position we know is not attainable.  Wow... imagine living one day where we felt like what we are doing and who we are being is good enough....sounds wonderful.

    So here is the challenge today (it sounds simple but can be a little difficult if we don't do it often):

    What is one nice thing you can tell yourself today so that you feel like you are doing a good job or that you are simply good enough?

    Tell yourself that idea as many times today as you feel like it.  When any other voices (the ones with the impossible bar to reach) creep up...tell them quietly, "not now."  They will get their airtime, but for this moment, try to bask in that supportive comment you are giving yourself.

  What is it like if for one day we allow ourselves to reach the bar we have set before ourselves?

   Enjoy this day  knowing that you are fabulous and that you deserve to be treated so well!  And remember....that is someone's friend you are talking about!

     

Self Care Series: Part 2- How You Can Get There From Here

   In Maine there is an expression that goes,  “You can’t get there from here.”  It is said with pride regarding the way it takes a circuitous route (for lack of roads) to get to one’s desired location.  For example, a town that is 15 miles from my house as the crow flies takes nearly an hour to get to by car.  One just can’t hop on a super highway, but instead is forced to bumble along small two lane roads winding through towns and by rivers in order to get to one’s destination.

  Well, for those of you who are regular readers, you probably noticed that it has taken me (ironically) a long time to write the second entry in the self care series.  No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get here from there.  Life’s demands and activities kept coming between me and my goal of writing this entry.  Sound familiar to anyone?

   Try as I might in the last couple of weeks to find the highway that would be my quick route to getting my goal done; I kept finding myself on curvy, slow speed back roads.  The more I became frustrated with the road I was on; the more distant the destination seemed. 

   Then finally, I understood the value of the idea of “you can’t get there from here”.   The value of having to take an indirect route to one’s goal is that the journey becomes more important than the destination. For me, I woke up to this idea a couple of days ago over the weekend.  I had blocked out some time for writing, but for some reason I was pulled away.  Spontaneously, my family and I decided to explore a nearby farm.  We had been there before, but had never explored the gardens when everything was in bloom.  What resulted was a day of serendipity.

   Inside the gardens were luscious blooms, hidden statues of frogs wearing crowns, an adult sized rocking horse along side a child’s one, and a child’s tea set tucked behind a wall of flowers.  Unexpectedly, we picnicked right there in that magical place with my children and my husband and I in awe alike.

   That is when I realized that if life is going to offer me such divine detours, I better be smart enough to look around and enjoy the winding road! 

   With that said, I offer two lessons I gained since my last entry.

 

1. The journey is more important that the destination.

 

2. Taking things off of our plate frees us to enjoy the meal that is already there.

 

   By piling our plate sky high with things to do, it is incredibly difficult to ever feel the success that comes when we accomplish our goals.  What would it be like if we chose to do less?  Gasp.  What would it be like if chose to say “no” more to the endless things trying to leap onto our plate?  Hmm… 

   Even if does not seem possible to do one thing less right now in our lives, how possible would it be to at least put less thing on our plate right now until we get what is already there done? 

   What I mean is that try to focus only on a few items on the to-do list at once.  Sure. There may be a whole buffet of things you need to do or want to enjoy.  But for now, try taking just a couple items to focus on, accomplish, and relish.  That way we can better savor the success that comes from making accomplishments rather than focusing on all that is still to be done.

 

  By finally allowing myself to clear writing from my plate that day, I was able to truly savor a day with my family.  Then, when the winding road turned again, I found it was easy to put “writing” back on the list.  And the journey made it so much more enjoyable.

 

    What happens if today we decide to enjoy that “we can’t get there from here” and allow the journey to provide what it is that needs to be on our plates at this moment?