Life Renovations

Extreme Self Care: Part one

   Imagine the most decadent way you could treat yourself to a few moments of pure enjoyment, relaxation, and rejuvenation.  Got it?  What came to your mind?  When was the last time you took this time for yourself?
This series is about getting back to basics; taking care of ourselves.  It is very easy to overlook our own     self- care in our lives.  "It can always wait till tomorrow" so the excuse goes or "I DON"T HAVE ANY TIME" is another voice that chimes in or the sabotaging side of us quietly says, "I'd feel guilty taking that time, energy, money for myself".  Any of these sound familiar?
  If your response to the question above was that you do take regular care of yourself by engaging in activities that restore and energize you- Congratulations! You might want to skip reading this or forward it to someone who needs it.  But chances are...that most of us are holding out on ourselves.  That is why I feel compelled to share some earth shattering news with you.
  YOU ARE THE ONLY YOU THAT YOU GET!  YOU ARE NOT REPLACEABLE...so TAKE CARE OF YOU!
  
 What can you do today to start taking better care of yourself? 
 
If your mind went blank because you have not taken good care of yourself since somewhere in the 1990's,
let me break it down for you:

What is one small step or activity you can engage in that would feel energizing for you today?

  I am talking something small, something doable, and something that might even be incredibly obvious. 
For me, the simplest pleasure that I adore and feels like a great luxury is taking a bath.  At our house we have an old  claw foot soaking tub which when complete with candles and bubble bath can feel like the most decadent day at the spa. 
   One day when I was feeling particularly busy lately, the thought came to me that I needed to stop everything and take a bath to get my wits about me.  Yes, I had piles of lists waiting, family needs to attend to, and appointments to keep.  That day though it simply hit me...it is imperative that we treat ourselves with the same care and courtesy we so willingly bestow on others.  Are you ready for some more earth shattering news?
  After my twenty minute soak in the tub, I had the best day with doors of possibility opening before me that I had not seen the day before.  All because of taking a tub?  Yes.  It can be that simple.  By taking one small step to better take care of ourselves, we open up our eyes and our hearts to being able to see hope, possibility, and options that before were not visible.  Why is this? By prioritizing ourselves, we shift around our whole perception of the items on the To Do List, and by doing this we can better think outside the box. Suddenly, with our new perspective we witness solutions falling into place where before we were stagnant or struggling.
  And you know what?  Despite what the excuses were attempting to say, I made all my appointments that day, was quite productive with my piles of things to do, and took care of my family's needs.  And I felt the joy that comes when we are not pushing ourselves without caring for and valuing ourselves. 
 
So here it is again,
What is one small step or activity you can engage in that would feel energizing for you today?

Go ahead, be reckless: Take care of yourself!  You are the only you that you've got. 

EXTREME Self Care Series

    Please join me for a four part series starting tomorrow dedicated to discussing how to take extreme care of oneself.  We are so great at making sure everyone else is cared for: family, friends, boss, neighbors, etc.  What about us?  How well are you taking care of yourself?  Join me for the next four entries which are dedicated to taking time (no matter how little it is) to bask in a few minutes that are ALL ABOUT YOU!

Enjoying the ride of NOW!

 Many times a day I hear people use words like “stressed”, “crunched for time”, and “maxxed out”. Sometimes, I am one of those people using those words. It is a pretty easy thing to do as our society promotes these feelings as representing accomplishment and productivity. It appears that being calm, relaxed, and joyful are words that indicate we aren’t really going anywhere or accomplishing anything. Yet, as we all know, feeling stressed and overwhelmed can greatly reduce our potential to get things done. And these feelings definitely affect our ability to enjoy the process of doing our work.

Tom Volkar of Delightful Work asked me what I was able to “juice” from my recent retreat with Two Roads. One concept I gained further insight into is the importance of living what life is presenting to us right now rather than living for what happens after this moment.

So often, I think we are encouraged to have the mentality of “grin and bear it” when going through a busy, challenging, or stressful time in our lives.  I liken this to closing our eyes on a roller coaster out of fear of what is about to come our way. Once we are on the ride, we are strapped in for a loopy-dee-doo, a downhill run, or whatever else the roller coaster ride has in store for us-there’s no getting out of it. We can either open our eyes and take in the thrill of the speed, excitement, and uncertainty or we can close our eyes, hunch our shoulders in nervous anticipation, and clench our teeth in a pained smile. The latter “Grin and Bear It” roller coaster rider is waiting for it all to be over rather than taking in the experience openly.

I want to acknowledge that some life experiences are so difficult and painful that developing a coping mechanism to endure them can prove helpful, however, all too often these coping techniques become part of our modus operandi long after the difficult time has passed.

How do we break free into a new pattern in which we are enjoying the ride and feeling calm amidst the thrill, stress, and challenge?

 

1. Get grounded in the present moment.

Dr. Andrew Weil discusses a great breathing technique taken from the yogic tradition. He describes it as the 4-7-8 method. I love it because you can do in a meeting, while playing with your kids, or in an important conversation.   It is so simple and doable.

• Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
• Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
• Hold your breath for a count of seven.
• Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
• This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

 

2. Open the door.

This step is about being willingn to imagine new possibilities. This is a difficult thing to do when we are accustomed to doing something a particular way a.k.a. habits. What it takes for this step to be successful is non-judgment. Put away your inner critic, the editor, the nasty voice on your shoulder that inhibits you and allow yourself a block of time to answer the question:

 
What would your life look like if you were living for NOW?

Brainstorm a list and write it down of ways that you could help yourself live in the present more fully. Try not to cross anything out; just let it be. If you need to take a couple days in order to be open to the possibilities. In this stage, all that is necessary is openness and wonder.

 

3. Take a step

Now, it is time to summon your courage up! Take a look at the list you created. Circle the top three ideas that speak to you as ways that will most help you embrace your life at this very moment. Look at the three ideas you have circled. Which one feels the most possible and energizing to do? Start with that one. So often, we discourage ourselves by taking the hardest task first. No way! Go for the one that feels the best!

Once you have the step you need to take laid out before you. Create a second list numbered 1,2,3. We are breaking that first step down even further. What are three steps you plan to take in order for that original goal to get accomplished? Complete this list and write a goal date to check in with yourself to see how your new outlook is going.

When you feel ready, tackle the second idea you circled. Keep it up until you are aware of a shift in your outlook.

4. Celebrate!

Making changes to our lives and our selves is really hard work. It takes a lot of
dedication and drive. That is why it is very important to celebrate what steps we do take! After you have your list and have begun work on it, come up with one very special way to treat yourself. You deserve it!

 

  Remembering that all these hurdles are a apart of what life is about can help us to relax a little in our anticipation of the struggles being over. By allowing ourselves to focus on the current moment, we are able to be more open to what lessons or ideas can be gained from each experience.  In doing so, the ride becomes much more enjoyable and we can keep our eyes open to what is before us.

Juicing the Experience

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference.
            --Robert Frost

   I have returned from a short break, in which I headed up into Canada for some time at a beautiful lake.  I went with a phenomenal group called Two Roads Maine.  Their name is  a reference to the Robert Frost poem above.  The whole premise of their organization is to encourage us to look beyond what it is we see or tell ourselves is the story but to go within ourselves to find out what the story truly is inside of us that needs to be told.  Also, an integral part of the experience is opening the connection to the wilderness.    Here is the blurb they have on their website:

    Two Roads supports people at those critical crossroads,
     when they must make choices about new directions
     involving their health and well-being, by providing
     opportunities to enter and experience the natural world.

  After a thought-provoking gathering in the morning and then time for a solo to explore the fields or the lake, we reconvened to something called a "council".  This is the heart of the experience in which participants are able to share their experience and journey without a dialogue.  Instead,  each person gets a chance to share their thoughts and then it moves on to the next speaker.  Afterwards, there is a greeting time so that everyone can connect with each other about what was shared.  I found this format very powerful and it offers an amazing way to effect healing, change, and growth in one's life.  How often do we have a place in our lives where we can share, be vulnerable, and ponder without fear of repercussions, inconveniencing another, or wondering how our thoughts will be interpreted?

Since my retreat, I have been thinking about the concept of "juicing the experience".    When we are in the middle of an incredible life experience, it can be challenging to grasp the rigor and the ripple effects the experience is going to leave on our lives.  Sometimes, it takes a little distance from the situation to begin to reflect on the mark left upon us.

  If you have ever juiced a lemon or orange by hand, you know that it takes a little muscle power and time to get all of the juice out.  And often, just when you think you have gotten all there is to get...out comes a little more.  The same is true when we are going through a transformative experience whether it feels like  a positive or a difficult time.  There is a flood of new ideas, ways of looking at things, and perceptions that are opening before us.  Then, over time, if we are persistent we are able to feel the ripple effects or the last drops of juice spill out offering us even more lessons gained from what we have been through. 

  I love the idea of "juicing the experience" because it encourages us to take time and bring consciousness to how we are living our days.  And in gathering this awareness, we are better able to effect the kinds of change we are looking for.  As we tap into what the juice of the experience is offering us, our inner voice of intuition is given a platform to express the vision it sees.  And this allows us to make our way into living healthy, connected, and fulfilling lives.

For more information about Two Roads Maine, go to www.tworoadsmaine.org .