Life Renovations

Welcoming Spring!

   We're off on vacation for a wee bit...so I leave you with a quote to enjoy until my return.  Please check back on May6th for a new entry.  Until then, be well!

Look to this Day! For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the Verities and Realities of your Existence. The Bliss of Growth,

The Glory of Action,

The Splendor of Beauty;

    For Yesterday is but a Dream, And To-morrow is only a Vision;

But To-day well lived makes Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness, And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope. Look well therefore to this Day! Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!”

                  

  -Kalidasa

Leaping through the Portal

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. "

        Alice in Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

    Initially, my clients do an excellent job explaining to me how hard it feels to make the transformation they most desire.   What makes change seem possible for some and not others? While change can come about without prior thought or choice due to powerful circumstances which alter our lives, more often change occurs because we go to sleep or wake up saying that we need a shift in our life experience.  And more than just saying it, we are at a point where we feel it deep within that it is true and it is time for this transformation.  With this conviction, we are ready to begin moving the mountain of our notion of "what has always been" or "what should be" in our lives.    And most importantly, we have to want it, really want to experience life on a new path.
    Why?  Because this is BIG work.   It is awesome, energizing and exciting work and at the same time, SCARY work.  Why?  Because when we open ourselves up to the idea that a change in our actions is possible, we are also opening the door to a shift in our consciousness.   Unfortunately, we can be so  resistant to the unknown that we lead ourselves to believe one of the following ideas when contemplating a shift in our lives:

•  I don't want to take a risk, because what if it gets me into a worse place than I am in right now  or This is as good as it gets

•    I am not capable of making a change and I don't have the skill, talent, intelligence necessary to do so

•    I will probably fail or I might succeed and then what would happen?

•    What I want is not realistic or possible.  And who am I to think I deserve such change anyway?

   Let me just break it to you right now, all of these ideas are RUBBISH.  Yes, convincing, intimidating, and seemingly powerful, but when you get right down to it, they are simply rubbish talk.  How do I know this?   Look at the statements.  It is fear talking, not truth.  We know fear statements because they stop us in our tracks and not in a  warm and fuzzy way either.  Fearful thinking leads us to feeling crummy about ourselves and our potential.  When we are caught in the pattern of fear based decision making, we can not seem to find the road that leads out. 

    As we connect with our desire for transformation and a new way of living our lives, we are better able to remind ourselves,  "Hey, these are my fears talking not my truths," then we can continue on with  jumping  through a portal to a new world like Alice in the above quote.

   I call these opportunities to leap into a new way of being, PORTAL MOMENTS.  They are moments that open before us when we are able to push our fears back just enough that we can see the light of what we want and what we  know  deep within is possible, what we deserve, and how we want to live our days.  When we get to a portal moment we have a choice to make and it is pretty simple , though not necessarily easy.   The choice goes pretty much like this:

       A. JUMP                                  B.   NOT JUMP

   Sorry to break it to you, but as you've probably guessed, if we can make it this far...jumping is the name of the game.  The part of ourselves that desires change is going to make life pretty stinking difficult if we tell it to shush so that can opt out of jumping so we can go back to the status quo way we have been doing things.  Nope, once we have connected with the change that we know needs to be made--not making the change  becomes more painful  than weeding through our fears to jump.

    How do we jump?  We fill our heads with CHAMPION TALK not rubbish talk.  If we can imagine ourselves as the big winner standing on the podium waving the gold medal or huge trophy wildly above our heads, we can get the rubbish talk to begin to dissolve.  Using the previous statements, we can transform our energy about change by telling ourselves the following:

•  By taking this leap, I will live the life I want to be living.
  

•    I AM capable of making a change and I HAVE the skill, talent, intelligence necessary to do so

•    I will succeed and that means I will feel fulfilled, energized, and hopeful.

•    What I want IS realistic AND  possible.  I deserve this change in my life.

   With these positive ideas as our fuel, we have the opportunity to leap through the portal into the existence that before we thought was a dream or for someone else.    By filling our heads and hearts with champion talk rather than fear based rubbish talk we are better able to guide ourselves through the portal into the vision we desire.  And then like Alice in Wonderland says, we are able to proudly say "It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."  For we have made the leap and are on a new journey.

 

30 Days:30

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive.
                        -Thich Nhat Hanh

  While I would not pass up the opportunity to walk on water seeing how it is a cool fantasy of mine, I like this sentiment by Thich Nhat Hanh.  It reminds us of the value of  being here now and appreciating the experience life is presenting to us at this very second.  To feel the grass beneath our toes, listen deeply while in a conversation, or luxuriate in a hot bath is to ground ourselves in what is going on around us at THIS VERY MOMENT.  And that can be quite a challenge when it seems as if there are a number of things hurling their way at us every minute as they compete for priority on the to do list.

   What can be greater on our to do lists than simply experiencing what is going on around us?  I know it sounds a little wacky, but really, think about it.  How would our days be different if we included being grateful for our lives at the very top of our to do list?

   I think it might have a very powerful impact on our daily living.  What if upon getting cut off  while driving in traffic, getting admonished by a boss, or having a disagreement with a loved one we were able to freeze the frame and take a long, deep unhurried breath?  In this breath would be a calmness, a peace, and a realization that while whatever is going on in causing us discomfort or annoyance, beyond it is our spiritual thankfulness for living the lives we lead.

   It can be easy to think, "Mmm...right."   When we are in those times that we are faced with a challenging situation, it can be very hard to stop reacting to what is going on.  We let the event determine our emotion and our spiritual state.  By freezing the frame,  taking a breath and actively choosing to respond to what is going on from our own centered space,   we let our own truth be our center rather than being in reaction to whatever is coming at us. 

   This is where gratitude comes in.  As we identify areas or moments of our lives for which we are grateful, we are anchoring ourselves in the present moment.  Expressing thankfulness for an element of our lives helps to diffuse any charge that is throwing us off balance.    I like to think of it like judo in which one defeats an opponent by allowing the opponent's momentum play out on itself.  For example, by staying calm in the face of a frustrating situation and allowing the energy to play its own momentum out without reacting against the energy, we are able to stay in our own center and let the destructive energy dissolve itself.  I think of gratitude as the grounding power which allows us in which to remain still thus deflecting the charged momentum. 

    The result is that we  feel calmer, more grounded, and better able to take the next step from a balanced place  rather than feeling a dizziness associated with the tilt a whirl at a carnival.  This anchoring is vital because we get a fuller picture of what is going on in our life and for where we are aiming to go.

  As we make our daily to do lists piled high with errands and chores, remember that adding a moment to pause and connect with our surroundings and enjoy a feeling of thankfulness for where we are or what we have in our lives can uplift our entire day by reminding us to live from our center no matter what comes our way.

30 Days:29

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
                           --Mary Oliver

   This quote resonates deeply with me  because this has been a week of looking at the way we live life and feeling resounding gratitude for being here.    What served to wake me up was that  an amazing  teenage boy in a neighboring community died this week.  He was a witty, kind, and caring kind of kid and it is hard to believe that 12 months after his diagnosis of brain cancer that he is no longer here.  The loss of his life has been a shock to the community and a reminder once again how important it is to live the life we want to live, which is something that he was a model of even at such a young age.  

   During this week, I had the privilege of being able to help support some of the teens who were his closest friends.  After a meeting about dealing with grief, I watched as they hugged, huddled, and stared at each other in disbelief.  They talked about their friend and then,  they talked about anything but their lost friend.  At some point in the evening someone put on music.  Soon afterwards, someone dragged someone who dragged  another someone to start dancing.  In a room dimly lit by Christmas lights, a pack of teen age kids were dancing.  It was a  celebratory kind of dancing.  They were dancing for their best friend as if he were in the room.  They were smiling and sometimes crying, but mostly, they were caring for each other.  I remember thinking  how happy their friend would be to see everyone honoring his life so perfectly.  As the night wore on and the kids drifted home, you could tell that an infinitesimal part of them was healing.  In the midst of their deep grief, some where inside of them they understood  the point of  why we are here. 

  And the point is to celebrate everything.  To love.  To breathe in one's gratitude for being alive with each inhalation and exhalation.   The above quote reminds us that we really only get one life here and this is it.  What are we going to do with it?  Often, people I work with as clients feel they are too busy to slow down and envision what they want their life to look like.   They are intelligent and highly competent people.  They want to do and accomplish, but slowing down to center or listen to their intuition seems too time consuming and self-indulgent.   They often find themselves so busy trying to live up to the  imagined expectations from those around them that they wake up one day having forgotten their wildest dreams.

    Letting intuition guide us into living these wildest and most precious dreams is an amazing way to express our gratitude for being here.   By allowing the calmer, more centered part of ourselves to have a voice, we  are encouraging our deeper, spiritual selves to emerge and feel connected to the life we are living.   

  How do we get there?  One activity that I have clients do is a LIFE LIST.  This exercise is a great way to let the mask of our ego and our fears  drop away and let our playful, possibility-loving selves speak up.  The whole point of this exercise is to GO BIG with your DREAMS!!!

1.  Choose a moment when you know you have some time. 

2.Then, get yourself in the "Thinking BIG" mode-whether it is by reading something that inspires you, watching a favorite scene from a movie, or going for a quick run. 

3. Take out a piece of paper and title it, "MY LIFE LIST."  In your centered space, allowing yourself to brainstorm what you truly desire and want to experience in your life, start writing all of the dreams and activities and goals you have for your life here.  Don't worry about getting it right, just get it down on the paper.  The only rule is that what you write down has to make you feel good and energized, not drained or feeling weighed down.  Ideally, it should make you smile.  Once the list  is complete for now...let it sit on your desk or hang on a bulletin board to remind you of all that is possible in your life.  And so that you know what path you are shooting for. Feel free to add to it or to change it as you wish and as your dreams change.

   The main goal of the list is to be an exercise in gratitude.  The best way we can honor being alive is to cherish it, celebrate it, and LIVE IT!  I love to ask my clients, " What one thing can you do today to begin living the life you most desire?"   By bringing this awareness to our days, we are able to live a more peaceful and  energized existence.  Enjoy today!

 

30 Days: 28

"The only constant is change."

                                                --Heraclitus

    Today was one of those days where I found myself  trying to live in every moment but the present one.  It started when I realized that I had left my car keys in a different town.  I mean that takes skill, really, and I am not going to bother explaining the whole sequence of events-just trust me on this one.  It seemed like one event after another was  preventing me from doing what I felt I needed to get done.   The harder I pushed to accomplish what I had set out to do, the more I was met with unforeseen obstacles.   How frustrating! Needless to say, the term "off-center" felt quite becoming for how I felt as I went about my business.   
   Then, as I was driving (yes, after I retrieved my keys) on the highway through some unexpected construction, it hit me.  This IS life.  We are always under construction in some form or another, and we don't always get to choose when we are committing to these renovations.  Sometimes they just happen to us out of the blue as if the road would collapse if we tried to continue without the necessary roadwork and other times we decide consciously that we need to start repairing the growing potholes or else we'll face even more major repairs.
   When I have a day akin to this one, I always end up coming to the place where I realize that I was operating under the false notion that life is stagnant.  I get caught up thinking, "life stays put and I get to run around getting things done."  Wrong!  Life is  always moving and changing.  Remembering to see life with its fluidity, ever evolving faces, and unexpected construction is a part of the deal...in fact, it is the deal. 
   Re-framing our viewpoint allows us to embrace that which  might convincingly seem like a detour wasting our time as a necessary part of the repairs.  Perhaps losing the keys, unexpectedly changing jobs, or ending of a meaningful relationship is exactly what we are supposed to be experiencing in order to grow into our best selves. By shifting our awareness from a vision of what we think should happen to a viewpoint that  allows life to unfold without feelings of fear or resistance, we are better able to be open to what an experience  is offering us whether it is feels like a smooth road or a roadblock. It is in this quiet space, we know we are right where we need to be in order to be living the authentic life we desire. 

   What it takes is accepting the dynamic, fluid, and unpredictable nature of our  life experience.  Once we are able to make peace with this understanding, we are better able to navigate through the orange cones, heed the caution tape, and follow patiently what appear to be detours.    When we are caught up in that moment of frustration with the sequence of a day's events, we can ask ourselves , "What might I possibly gain from this unexpected event?"  This shift in our thinking is a fabulous way to ground ourselves in this moment. 

   And it is being grounded in this present moment that we are able to feel gratitude for being here.   This openness and humility has the power to re-direct our lives. Because who knows?  What seems like a detour may actually be the path to finding our dreams.