Life Renovations

30 Days: 27

"I have rubber boots. Good strong rubber boots, and I am not afraid.

If I only had rubber boots for my soul, rubber boots for my spirit — something that protected my psyche from the vagaries of this rough world as well as these simple marvels protect my lower extremities.

So, here is to things that last. Here is to things we can count on. Here is to things that wait for us by the door, unstinting in their service. Things that make us better humans. Here is to rubber boots."

   Bill Harley,  excerpt from Ode to My Rubber Boots

         I heard this poem   last night on NPR on my way home and fell in love with it.  I enjoy the idea of rubber boots protecting us from whatever we might encounter.  And as a person living in Maine where mud season surreptitiously replaces what other people call spring, I know the value of a good pair of rubber boots in one's life.  They do make one feel confident,  better able to handle the demands of the world, and more fearless.    I also love how he talks about wanting a pair of rubber boots that would do the same for his psyche and soul.  Wow! How might our lives be different if we had a pair of boots that could serve to empower our inner selves?

    I think we would run and play more.  We would not be afraid of puddles and the muddiness of life.  We would not have to tip toe gingerly from the car to our destination, but rather we would go boldly.   We would not be timid, worrying about damaging our reputation or appearance.  We could walk tall admiring our capability to navigate through whatever the weather brings our way.   We would not feel  easily  dinged or dented, but rather strong and durable.  We  would know that whether we were  plunging ankle deep into the mud of a salt marsh, crossing a busy city street in a delicate rainy sprinkle, or slogging through a stormy spring afternoon we would be able to be present for our life, feeling fearless, able, and powerful.  We would feel like we could say YES to our lives.

   How do we get there?   We must establish what it is  in our lives that empowers us to feel calm, strong, and unafraid.  We must identify what it is that gives us the  rubber boot armor we most need. One way is do this is to think about days in which we feel really good and try to recall what it is about that time that makes us feel so right.   If we ask ourselves,  "What do I need present in my life in order for me to feel confident and capable and unafraid?"  then, we can begin to make space for that element in our lives.

   How do we do that? Take a breath and think about it, remembering to be as specific as possible.  What needs to be done this week to help us feel better prepared to face our lives in the way we want?    Perhaps it is going for a run three times this week.  Or making a tea date with an important friend.  Maybe what feels like the right step is sitting in meditation upon waking for twenty minutes.   Prioritize  doing that action for a week and check in.  How does it feel?  How does it make a difference in how you feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  By evaluating our action step, we can tweak it so that it is best suiting our needs and helping us to accomplish our goal.

  As we build this space in our lives that serves to help foster a stronger, more confident, and fearless self, we are better able to enjoy the sunny and stormy days alike.   We know we are prepared with our "mental, emotional, and spiritual"  rubber boots as we face each day.  And knowing this, we are free to skip and stomp around with gusto.

30 days :26

"Devotion is diligence without reassurance."
                        Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

   While I still have yet to read Eat, Pray, Love, I swear a client a week quotes this book.  This was the gem that was shared with me this week and I love this idea.    Often, we base the value we give something on how others view or perceive it.  And while there is merit in being attentive to the opinions of those you trust, there is greater merit in listening to what it is your own heart and voice says is true.  To me, this is the root of being able to devote oneself. 
   By honoring what it is that we personally find true and valuable, we are better able to devote ourselves to it.  In this way, we do not need to seek reassurance.
   Reassurance becomes a necessity when we are off the mark.  When our intuition and actions do not line up, then we often seek external validation or reassurance.  By finding such praise, we can continue along the path of misalignment until we hit another bump and are forced to seek approval once more--see the cycle happening?  On the other hand, when our actions mirror our intuition, our sense of alignment is strong and consequently, we need less reassurance.  We have done our work first and can reap the fruits of out devotion. 
   To further explore this idea, I often use the concept of "Hard, Easy" vs "Easy, Hard" with clients.    "Easy, Hard" means that we act without weighing all the options.  Or we act without truly consulting ourselves for the answer that most resonates with us.  "Easy, Hard" implies that we take the path of least resistance out of avoidance or fear only to be forced to deal with the "hard" stuff at a later date.    The concept of "Hard, Easy" means that we are willing to take the road of more challenge because our intuition tells us that it is on that path where the answer lies for us.  By challenging ourselves upfront and being open to exploring what it is we need to ponder, we are freed up to enjoy an "easier" path later on.  Personally, I am a proponent of taking the hard road initially so that I can enjoy the fruits later. 

  It is in this way that we can enjoy the experience of being devoted.  We do not need to seek reassurance for all parts of ourselves are aligned.   How can we  work towards such alignment in our lives? 

   The first step is to be willing to risk  trying to approach  our lives with "Hard, Easy" in mind.

  Next, we must remain open to the opportunities and possibility presented a long the way.

  We must take time to slow down and see what part of what is being presented to us truly resonates with our personal path and mission. 

Once we know what it is that resonates with our sense of inner purpose, we can get to the work of devotion.  We can allow our hearts and actions to focus diligently in a single direction and without approval or external affirmation, we know deep within that we are walking down the right path for us.

30 Days:25

 Keeping Quiet

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth
let's not speak in any language,
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines,
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victory with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.
                          --Pablo Neruda

    In the midst of our business, there is the need for a quiet space.  And by honoring this space of silence within ourselves, we allow peace and compassion to emerge and exist in our lives.  As we desire and pursue our own personal growth and change, it is only natural that our place in the world blesses those around us and that our presence of transformation serves to inspire others so that we can create a global community of joy, peace, and collective wellness.

   With the idea of a collective transformation in mind, I would like to share this website.

                    Worldwide Tipping Point

  I think this idea is incredibly inspiring.  I joined a few days ago and find myself checking it periodically to see how many other people desire what I do.  This idea shows that solidarity can exist on a global scale and that a single voice can make a difference as it joins with other voices. 

    What a fabulous idea that not only our actions contribute to change, but also our thoughts and feelings do as well.  If we know that the personal growth we seek will have a ripple effect that helps to transform our global consciousness, then what change do we most want to see in the world we live in? 

   As we come to an understanding of what change we desire in the world, then we can begin to approach our own life and see in what ways we might be able to change our patterns and behaviors to help contribute to this idea of the greater good.  Sometimes in the work of personal development, it is this broader view that helps free us from our own chains of thinking. 

With this in mind, "What personal change can we make that will help serve the goal of collective wellness?"

  As that change comes to our minds, we can set that as our intention for how we are living our days.  By placing a written intention somewhere it can be seen often when at home and at work, we are introducing the importance of this idea to our hurried lives.  In this way, we begin to honor this still place within ourselves and slowly by continually honoring this place, we are able to effect the change we most desire.

   And the best part of it all... we are not alone, but a part of a greater community seeking health, healing, and wellness together.   

 

30 Days: 24

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

                                    Hamlet,  William Shakespeare

Even though I quoted  Shakespeare, I must admit that when I hear this line I immediately think of Steve Martin's film, L.A. Story.  In the movie, a freeway signpost, acting as a spiritual guide, delivers this line to the main character as he is trying to figure out what he is supposed to do in his life.  I love this quote because it represents the importance the unexpected plays in our lives.  So often as we become busier and busier people, I think there is a temptation to plan and schedule our lives out to the minute.  And while  that approach does allow for us to be efficient and productive, there are times that it can also prevent us from allowing ourselves to be open to whatever the "now" moment is presenting to us.

    Being open to the unexpected allows the magic of spontaneity to have a place in our lives.  What is the value of being open to this magic in our lives?  It offers us breath and inspiration.   Clarity and insight.  Freedom and hope.  Often when we are stuck trying to figure out the resolution to an issue, what we most need is to think outside of the box and consider ideas or options we had not before. 

     By thinking outside of the box, we make space for "the more things... than are dreamt of by your philosophy."   When we open ourselves up to the sometimes frightening world of the unexpected, we unknowingly open ourselves up to the world of possibility.  And when the doors of possibility are open, anything can happen. 

   I love Goethe's words, "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it."  What stops us from beginning it?  Often, I think we fail to truly "dream" it.  What if we start there with our spontaneity by allowing ourselves to dream or envision anything we desire?  What if while we are trying to make a decision or come to a place of resolution about something, we let ourselves brainstorm any or all  possible dreams without fear of the "right" one?  By opening ourselves to brainstorming without judgment we are better able to really think outside the box of our "philosophy."  And I believe that both Shakespeare and the wise signpost are right,  a whole world lies beyond our notion of what is and what can be, if only we are willing to be open to the unexpected.

30 Days: 23

"If the emergency oxygen masks drop down, put your own mask on first."
                             -Plane Safety Guidelines   

    I had a dream last night about flying.  By the way, I really don't like flying and yes, I know the statistics of how much safer it is than driving.  About a year ago, I was taking a  trip to Florida and shared with several people my dislike of air travel ( I have good reasons after a couple close  one of which included the engine catching on fire thus engulfing the plane in flames, which was NOT a dream). Anyway,  people repeatedly told me the above statistical information about the safety of  air vs car travel.  Well, the intent kind of backfired because for a while I was not a fan of driving or flying....I just wanted to sail everywhere which is really not that practical.
   Anyway, this post is not about flying or my dream, but instead on a quote I have been thinking of lately which graces our path whenever we do decide to board an airplane.  Before I became a mom, I would hear the above quote and think, "You betcha...that sucker will be on my face as soon as I realize that all is not well at 37,000 feet."  Then when I became a mom, I laughed when I heard that admonishment, thinking that no way would I risk my child's life like that and would knowingly disobey the flight attendant's recorded voice. 
   Then, this week, I pulled my back.  And not, "Oops, my back feels a bit sore", but I was flat out, lying down, typing on my computer while horizontal.  I really chuckled when the acupuncturist said not to lift my youngest child at all who is just a baby.  "Right,"  I thought. 
   That is  when I got it.  Self-Care.  It really is important to nurture our physical and mental health even though sometimes everything else seems far more pressing, valued, necessary, and urgent.  Last year when I read Cheryl Richardson's book, Take Time for your Life, I shrugged off the ideas as if they were for other people- people who had a lot more time on their hands that I did.   This week, while becoming intimate with the way the lath looks in my ceiling, I realized that the only difference between those people and myself was that they were willing to prioritize their health and well being.

    Self-Care is a vital component to achieving what it is we want.  If we do not take care of ourselves, then it will be hard to enjoy our accomplishments once we get there.  Not to mention it will be challenging to  have the reserves it takes to achieve our desired success.  By "putting on my own oxygen mask first", I realized that it is not a sign of being selfish, but rather a sign of sustaining a  calm and energized life.    Just realizing that feels like a great big dose of oxygen. 

  How can we put on our oxygen mask today?  What would self care look like in our lives?  Going on a run, sitting down for a meal, quiet time to write, meditate, or pray?  Whatever it is and no matter how far down it is on the list of all that must be down, I bet if we are willing to up its priority level, we will feel a lot more peace even if the plane seems to be taking a nose dive around us. 

30 Days: 22

"The perfect is the enemy of the good."
                     -Voltaire

    How true!  I just heard this quote for the first time and have been thinking about it all day.  We sabotage ourselves repeatedly searching for the "perfect" situation, option, or person.    There is a difference between having high standards and seeking "the perfect" .  Often, we move the bar a little higher and a little farther away when we get close to what it is we have declared we want.   It is almost as if our horizon line keeps moving on us.  Or that we choose to move our horizon just when we are going to reach the success we desire.  It is in this way, I think, that we create an elusive ideal of our notion of "perfect".
    I don't think perfect exists.  I think perfect is a construct of our fears and our insecurities.  Perfect is what that critical voice on our shoulder tells us everyone else is doing, but not us.   Perfect is what we could be if only we had the time, money, appearance.  What is our resistance to being good enough?  What a great day it would be to sit and think, "My work is good enough, my life good enough, I am good enough."   Often clients feel resistant to the term, "good enough" as if it implies being less than and so I get challenged on this point.  I like to think of it as being good enough for ourselves.  Self-Acceptance.  It is offering ourselves a bit of respite from the harsh critiquing we are so skilled at and instead taking a moment to accept and appreciate that which we are and do as being good.  And seeing that it is indeed good enough to be celebrated and honored.

   It is harder than it seems to loosen our clutches on our belief in perfect.  We are so accustomed to berating ourselves and negating all of our positive achievement with it.    It can be challenging to let go of the negative powers that drive us to our goals.  We have created a relationship with them.  If we are willing, we are capable of forming a new relationship which pushes us onward in a space of support and self-acceptance.  In this space, we shine because of nurturing rather than out of a desire to defeat the negative voice. 
   What does it take?  I think it demands a willingness to achieve the horizons we put in front ourselves and a willingness to risk having our fear of failure be replaced by a feeling of success in our lives.  It takes saying "Yes, this is good enough and I am good enough."

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30 Days:21

"Oh Behave!"
        -Austin Powers    

   

   Lately,  this quote has run through my head often (of course, accompanied by Mike Myers fabulously ebullient way of delivering it).  What I love about this saying is that it is said in full knowledge that the person saying, "Oh Behave!" has absolutely no intention of doing so.  It is as if saying those two words are a green light for whatever transgressions will soon occur. 
     How is this inspiring?  Two more words, reckless abandon.  Yep...in the midst of trying to organize, structure, and order our lives, sometimes what we most need is just having unabashed fun!  I love the concept of reckless abandon because it implies letting our hair down, forgetting about what duties we have to fulfill, and letting our inner "play hound" have a blast in whatever way best suits us at that very moment.
    "Abandon"  as defined by the Random House Dictionary is " a complete surrender to natural impulses without restraint or moderation; freedom from inhibition or conventionality".  How might we live our days differently if we were not inhibited or restrained? 
   Before the inner critic sets in arguing that, "Well, that is not realistic because there are responsibilities  like work, bills, children that I can't exactly abandon."  Maybe "reckless abandon" feels too radical for where you  are right now, so how about a baby step...taking a recess break.   I think the idea of recess is the most brillant concept that unfortunately gets left behind in childhood.  Don't we all need a little break from our work to play, shake out our bodies, and climb on a jungle gym? 
   What recess can we take today whether it is 5 minutes, 1 hour, or the whole day?  When we imagine allowing ourselves a small recess break, how does it feel?  I think it feels great, like a pressure release valve on our busy lives.  Join me today, let's take a well-deserved recess break.  And when the bell rings signifying the end of recess, imagine our teacher is none other than the infamous Austin Powers admonishing us, "Oh Behave!"   And let that energy follow us back into our daily lives.

30 Days: 20

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past.  We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

               -Charles Swindoll

This quote has long been a favorite.   Its meaning for me comes because of the reality of its truth.  We are often in circumstances that seem difficult if not impossible to change.   It is our choice whether to give in to our frustration and disappointment or to choose to re-frame the experience before us.  And in changing how we view what we are experiencing, I am continually amazed at how circumstances can seamlessly shift.  That which before was unmovable is suddenly more flexible.  The catch?  It requires a bit of investment on our part.

Willingness.  We must be open to letting things shift or move, this mean  allowing our notions of how things "ought to be" subside and be replaced with grander visions.  And the tough one, we must be willing to let our ego go when finding a new solution that we have not considered before.  Often our ego convinces us that it is so smart that it has already considered all of the options.  This may sound silly, but I find that one of the best ways to break any sense of unwillingness with us is to acknowledge the good we have been doing.  Saying to yourself, "I know I have done a creative job thinking about all the options I see possible," can break down resistance to being open to any new solutions or ideas.  After we acknowledge what we are doing right, we can ask ourselves, "How willing am I to make this change in how I perceive the situation?"  Usually, we are pretty willing.

Desire.  If we want something, it is more likely to happen.  To me, willingness and desire work together closely.  The difference is that willingness is about receptivity to new visions and desire is the fuel or passion to live into the new answers.  When our desire and passion come into focus, we begin to feel aligned with where we are and want to be in the world.   

Thinking outside the box.  Yep...that is right.  If we are truly willing and desiring of new possibilities, we must DREAM BIG!    This means  take that self-critic and inner editor  off  of your shoulder.  Let the ideas flow.  Remember that the whole point of brainstorming is that you free yourself from judgment in order to ponder ALL of the ideas.   If we can get this far into the process, the "right" idea is usually evident by how well it sits with us and our intuition.

Stand Porter.  Once we are on the path to establishing a new way of viewing an experience we must watch out for old patterns of thinking.  I grew up with an expression, "Stand porter at the door of thought," meaning watch the ideas that you allow into your thinking because often we manifest that which we think.  I have always liked the notion of  a doorman or a bouncer in my head saying, "Okay, this thought, you get to come in...and you, nope, you need to stay out."   We need this doorman to help us keep steering in to this new way of thinking and acting.  When you realize a thought  is contributing to old patterns and behaviors, summon up your willingness and desire to help bounce these ideas out.

Follow through.  Ah yes...it all comes down to this, doesn't it?  When we are trying to change our attitude or our vision of an outcome and we have worked through all the elements mentioned above, the best step to take is ... a step.  We can ask ourselves, "What is the action that best suits my new attitude?"  For example, say the dilemma we are working on is being unhappy in our work environment.  We have established that we are willing and have the desire to change our perception of the situation.  We have created a fabulous list of new ideas, options, and ways to think about our experience.  We are monitoring the way we are thinking in order to keep choosing to see things in a way that is healthy and beneficial.  Now, all we have to do is take a single step in the direction we want to head.  I like to have clients take a breath and say the first action that comes to their thought--it is usually right on with where they want and need to go.   

The best thing about our attitudes is that they are ours and we have the ability to wield them in whatever manner we choose. 

30 Days: 19

Live with intention. 
Walk to the edge. 
Listen hard.
Laugh.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
                       -Mary Anne Radmacher

  While I tend to steer clear of quotes that are a series of directives, "Do this...do that,"  these lines have been sitting on my bulletin board for weeks now.  I keep a rotating list of quotes which I am pondering-this board is the inspiration for this 30 day challenge.   Yesterday, I kept looking at the above quote trying to figure out what is that makes me like it so much.
   I like that it is author's personal list of things to remember in order to live the life she wants.  Almost as if she could make a check mark each day as to whether life had been lived successfully.  This is vital because often we find ourselves striving for an undetermined goal.  How can we ever feel like we are succeeding unless we know what we hope to achieve? 
   It is valuable to have what I call a  "declaration".  Essentially, it is a decree of how we wish to experience our lives.  These are the overarching goals (like the author's list above) under which all of our future action steps will go.  Sometimes, we get so carried away with action steps that we lose sight of the greater purpose or vision.  When we  intentionally design the life we want to live, we up our chances for getting to actually live that life.    

     How do we consciously create a declaration? A great place to start is with our values.  What drives us?  What is most meaningful to us in the living of our lives?  What qualities must be present in order for us to feel calm, centered, and alive?   
   I think of this declaration as the chosen path and all of our actions are the steps taken down this path.  They go hand in hand together.  Without a path, we are wandering aimlessly.  Without steps, we know where we want to go but aren't making the desired progress.

   Once we have established our values or what is important to us, we can then envision what that value would look like in our daily life.  For example, if "humor" and "light-heartedness"  are of value to you, then "laughing" would be important to add to your declaration.  Or if  "fearlessness" and "courage" are important to you, then "walk to the edge" would be a fitting choice.

   How do we know when we have the right declaration?  When we look at it, we feel excited, energized, hopeful, and strong.  If some part of the list feels discouraging or daunting, take it off!  Our declarations are meant to open doors of hope and possibility before us.  They are meant to create the path  down which we truly want to go.

 

30 Days:18

"Barn's burnt down; now I can see the moon."
                                                    --Masahide

   I just rediscovered this quote today.   Supposedly, I was locating all my tax information, but instead I was procrastinating by perusing my file cabinets for anything more interesting than said documents.  I came upon a draft of my masters' thesis and scrawled on the front page of the draft was the quote above.  I had forgotten that there was a time in my life that this passage was my daily mantra.
    "The barn has burnt down..."  Clearly, things do not always go how we envision in life.  In fact, sometimes it seems as the universe is being a bit relentless.   Often, we try a new tack and if that doesn't work we regroup and give it another shot.  And still, it can feel as if we are getting nowhere quickly.  There is great value in acknowledging this struggle. Sometimes, in our earnest desire to hurdle that which challenges us, we can forget to admit that there is indeed a struggle we are facing.
    By acknowledging our challenge,  we are able to see it for what it is and not for what we might imagine it to be.  And in doing so, we are able to take a breath and re-evaluate the situation.   When we let our eagerness to solve the problem slide a bit, our sense of urgency (often our ego) abates and allows us a bit more space to envision a viable solution.
   "Now, I can see the moon..."  As we take this necessary space that comes as a result of validating our own struggle, sometimes it becomes clear what needs to be gained from the experience.  Many times, I have been cursing a wall that has gotten in the way of what I was trying to accomplish only to express my gratitude in hindsight that I was forced to switch directions.                                             
    How do we know something is a misfortune until we see where we have been led?  It can be easy to jump to conclusions of failure or wasted energy.  We are masters at judging ourselves for what we think should have been.    Yet, what if  instead, we are wise listeners, accepting and acknowledging that the barn has burnt down and make space in our lives for the moon  to shine its new light upon us?